A Great Opportunity and Experience

This past weekend a friend of mine invited me to accompany her to an Emirati wedding.  I jumped at the chance.  Then of course I raced home and since I can’t help myself, began researching how to dress, proper etiquette, and so forth.  What I learned is that an Emirati wedding, any Emirati wedding, is quite a large production. Just like in the US the basic traditions are mostly the same, but each wedding has a personal touch put on it.  One of the traditions that differs greatly from the US, and most other places I think, is that every invitation includes an insert reminding everyone that no phones, cameras, or children are allowed.
I completely get no phones and no children, but can you believe no cameras?  I cannot even imagine.  That said, there is usually a designated photographer and/or videographer whose job it is to record the proceedings for the sole enjoyment of the family.  Also, specific family members are allowed to take photos as well.  Photos and videos are not generally made public.  I have heard that in recent years, some people have been allowed to bring their cameras and take photos of the food and the décor, but never, ever, the people.  However, that is not terribly common yet.  (FYI – The photo and couple of videos of the actual wedding entertainment that are below were taken by an aunt of the bride and shared with me solely for the purpose of allowing understanding of the culture and seeing the beauty of the process.)

This particular wedding was arranged by the families.  That is not always still the case, though often it is.  For some background it may help to know that in a typical and traditional Arab marriage, there are 3 main parts.  First, the groom must discuss and agree to the dowry with the bride’s father. The dowry can include gold, jewelry and clothing.  Regardless of what it contains, it’s usually of considerable value. After the dowry settlement comes the actual marriage contract, which can be conducted by either a legal or a religious representative. The bride is asked (without the prospective groom present) if she agrees to the marriage and then the same question is put to the groom. After agreement, the groom joins hands with his future father-in-law and, with two witnesses present, the marriage becomes official. However, there’s another stage before the couple actually meet as man and wife: the wedding party.  Or parties I should say.  Traditionally, all celebrations are segregated, with women in one place and men in another. In the case of this wedding, the men actually celebrated a few nights earlier.  There were also smaller parties held previously for family and close friends only.  On the last night of celebrations, the couple meet, accompanied by all their friends, and eventually leave on their honeymoon.  When they get back, they either set up home with the groom’s parents and become members of the extended family or – increasingly – set up home by themselves.

This wedding was between two relatively important families.  I am requested not to use names or titles, so I will leave it at that.  The bride and the groom in this instance knew each other and had played together as children.  They had not seen each other since childhood.  The actual contract of marriage had taken place weeks, maybe even months before (nobody knows for sure) so technically they had been legally married for a while.  However, as I understand it, this was the first night that they were to meet face to face since those childhood days.  I am going to do my best to describe my experience from the beginning.

Through the research I had done, I knew that Emirati wedding parties are a chance for the women to really dress up.  Makeup is perfect and the finest jewelry they have is on display.  If you are reading, this, you know that this is not an area I excel in, but I did my best.  Full makeup, hair done and sprayed into submission.  I wore an outfit I’d had tailor made for me here in Abu Dhabi just for formal occasions.  (There are quite a few here.)  I even had on sparkly 4-inch spike heels.  Yes I was able to walk and made it through the night without breaking anything.

Let’s start with something I AM able to share with you.  The absolutely stunning invitation.  My friend was very gracious and gave the entire thing to me (minus a few chocolates, ) so that I could share it with all of you. Everything came inside the bag, and the bag was hand delivered. The quality of the paper is exquisite and the invitation itself is printed on very heavy card stock, the size is just a bit more narrow than your standard letterhead. The embossed leaves, and the green hues of the invite were present throughout the wedding reception in both the decorations and in the entertainment as I will try to describe.

My friend drove, and as we approached ADNEC (Abu Dhabi National Exhibition Center, where the event was being held) we could see that the police had blocked off part of the surrounding roads in order to keep local traffic to a minimum and allow easy entrance for those attending.  There was an impressive show of considerable security around the building.  My friend had a VIP parking pass.  The men directing traffic took a moment to understand that.  They were waving us away and my friend was waving the parking pass.  For some reason it was not readily obvious that two expat ladies would have a VIP pass, as she had to continue to wave it through three more security checks.  We were laughing by the time that last guy got the same surprised look on his face but waved us through.  We scored an excellent parking spot and were transported via golf cart to the entrance.  In front of us was a sea of women in black.  Their abayas and sheihlas, covering the couture dresses they wore underneath, but not really hiding them.  My friend had on a lovely mid length sheath dress with short sleeve lace cover.  It was also in black.  That made my bronze and ivory silk kurta stand out like a neon sign in the forest.  In the middle of the night.  Fortunately, once inside many of the women shed their abayas and showed their stunning dresses of all colors and styles, and I was able to fade into the background.

At the entrance we were asked to place our bags on a scanner belt and pass through an airport security type metal detector.  If it went off, there were female security agents standing by with wands.  All cameras and phones were taken and put in lockers.  In return we received a claim check number so we could pick them up on departure.

We walked towards the reception line down a hallway that was painted as a replica of the invitation background.  I was in awe of the time and effort put in to make it match so closely.  After going through the reception line of family members, friends and others we did not know, we found seats around 8:40PM.  (I am guessing this because I was not wearing a watch, did not have my phone and there was not a clock.)  There was a live singer in one corner of the room.  I am told he is very popular in the Arab world.  His voice was very nice and the music was calm and melodic.  I took a moment to look about and try to wrap my mind around the amazing décor in, and the sheer size of, the room.

Any of you who have been into a major exhibition hall know the size that they can be.  I would estimate this one to equal approximately a football field, including sidelines and end zones.  I found this photo on the event center website that gives you an idea.  This is NOT the wedding I attended, but is another one of similar size at the same venue.  The room was set up with a stage on the opposite side of the entrance.  Both the entrance and the stage were placed on the long sides of the room.  The stage was centered on one side, and went most of the length of it, leaving room for a couple of rows of tables at either end.  Extending out into the middle of the room was a pathway that went in a half circle, beginning at one end of the stage and ending at the other, and making it’s way most of the way out into the room at its apex.  This would be the pathway that the bride would walk once she arrived.

The back of the stage and the pathway were lined on either side by columns and archways that were sculptured in detail from square chicken wire, including the keystone at the top of the arch.  I know this sounds terrible, but it was uplit with white lights and the effect was incredible.  There were also sculptured birds in flight.  In one corner there was a gazebo and another a columned patio all made of the same material.  There were trees and vines (some real, some not) placed all around.  The reason I am so happy to have this next photo is because there is no way for me to describe this well, and in the photo you can clearly see it.   The archway is behind the dancers, and if you look past the bird frame that she puts on all of her photos, you can see one of the sculpted birds in the top right.  This sculpture lined both sides of the pathway through the room.  You can also see some of the trees that were strategically placed throughout.  And yes really, those columns and arches are made from chicken wire.  The strong square hole kind.  No embellishment.  The up lighting is what gives it the ethereal quality.

So… back to the part where we are seated.  Almost immediately we were approached by one of many multiples of servers, each bearing something for us to eat or drink.  There were several types of tea, Arabic coffee, many different mocktails and fresh juices.  (This is an Emirati Muslim wedding, so no alcohol.)  The table we were sitting at was a round of ten with a centerpiece made of fresh jasmine on 6 inches worth of branch.  It was about 2 feet square.  Not all of the centerpieces were the same though all of them used fresh white flowers and lots of greenery at about the same height.  There seemed to be similarities, but no two exactly the same.  Also in the middle of the table were bowls of treats.  Pistachio crackers, black sesame star crackers, and chocolates.  Lots of chocolates.  At each place setting was a glass of water and a glass of Laban.  Laban is yogurt drink similar to Kefir.  It is unsweetened.  They drink it here like the midwest drinks milk, which means at almost every meal.  Laban is very cooling for the body and is said to replenish the salts and water the body needs in this hot climate.  At each place there was also an individual turrine of Omani Halwa (halvah).  This Halwa is not too sweet and is made with a hint of saffron.  This particular recipe did not contain nuts, but often pistachios or almonds are included.  It’s delicious, and very rich.

The room was set up with round tables for 20 set inside the half circle walkway, and on the outside were rounds of 10.  I did not physically count the tables, but I estimate easily eight hundred to a thousand.  It was one big party.  About an hour in, another singer began.  Again, I did not recognize the person but there were many ooohs and aaahhs in the crowd, and I found out that he was very famous, and most sitting around us had his CDs.  I liked his voice as well, though still could not understand a word being sung.

Dinner was served around 10:30PM.  Carts of food were rolled along the walkway and the absolute largest serving platters (complete with meat domes requiring 3 people to lift off) rolled by.  Multiples of them.  They were the size of small coffee tables.  If you have been in my house and seen the large brass tray I sometimes use for a coffee table or wall hanging – they were larger than that.  Underneath the meat dome was an entire roasted camel.  In the many multitudes of other serving dishes there was lamb, beef, chicken and fish (just in case you didn’t want camel).  There were a couple of types of pasta.  There was rice, potatoes, every kind of vegetable they have in these parts, cooked multiple different ways, as well as 15 or 20 different kinds of salad.  There was some serious food here.  I wanted to try a bite of everything as is the custom and the polite thing to do, but it was physically impossible.  Not only did my plate not hold it, but there is just no way I can eat that much.

Music during dinner came from a young women’s orchestra.  They filed in and stood along the top of the archways at the back of the stage.  They played love songs from Broadway and Disney productions and they were very good.

Some were still being served the main course when HUGE cakes – I counted 8 tiers – were rolled out (along with multiple smaller ones).  There were individual desserts of varying kinds as well.  Coffee and tea were once more (or again) offered as accompaniment.  It was really almost overwhelming.  Everything I tried had been delicious.  Including the camel.

As the end of the meal came, dancers came out on stage and performed a modern ballet type of dance, using large leaves and petals as props, as well as some lights.  They were dressed in three different colors, and initially the colors moved in individual groups, each staying in a separate part of the stage.  Then they started moving together, and split up again with multiple colors in each of the three areas.  The stage rose in three places, and those began to revolve.  The dance lasted 20 minutes or so.  It was quite a production!  (For those who can access them, there are links at the bottom to a couple of very short videos of the dance portion, the same young women’s orchestra is playing the music for the dance troupe).

Finally, just before midnight the women began to make this long wavering high pitched sound.  An ululation that signaled the arrival of the bride.  Head coverings were replaced, and the groom escorted his bride onto the stage from a rear door.  He turned and kissed her head, and left the room.  At that point she greeted her family (seated at the front) and began to walk the pathway between the arches that went around the room.  I wish I knew more about how to describe the dress, but it was stunningly beautiful.  I know it had been custom made in Paris and took months to create.  It is the type of dress that only a person with a tiny waist can wear.  The bodice was form fitting, and the skirt was wide, coming down in multiple graceful folds in back.  It was not white (that is not the tradition here) but a pale taupe color, with lots of stitching detail.  No bling.  (All the bling was in her jewelry.)  I estimate that she made that walk in about 25-30 minutes.  It was very slow.  She took a few steps and stopped to look at those ahead inside the circle, and then a few more steps, stopped and looked over her shoulder at those outside the circle.  If there had been cameras allowed I would have understood it much more.  My guess is that this walk is likely to acknowledge and thank those in attendance for coming, as well as to make public her marriage.  She met a lot of eyes and had a pleasant smile.  Her eyes looked happy.  I read that it isn’t polite to have a huge smile at your wedding here, because it signals that you are happy to leave your family.  Apparently you are not supposed to be.

Once the bride completed her walk it was a mass exodus.  I had read there was usually dancing but not in this case and really, thank God.  It was way past my bedtime already.  It as a wonder I was still coherent.  We recovered our phones and got out to the car in good time.  We headed to the exit but were stopped to allow the limousines out to pick up their passengers.  Nevertheless, all things considered, our parking spot had been quite good and we escaped in advance of most of the party into relatively little traffic.

I got home about 1:30 and crawled into bed beside a snoozing hubby.  My mind raced through the events of the night.  My friend had introduced me to a couple of the family members along the way.  They were very kind and happy, and wore incredible dresses.  Everywhere I looked there was fabulous hair, makeup and clothing.  The jewelry on display was unlike anything I have ever seen before.  Surprisingly to me, very little of it looked over the top for the setting.  I noticed that many of the older women, though they were wearing very nice dresses underneath, did not remove their abayas.  Almost all of the younger women did. I remain in awe of both the food and the way the room set up.  I have not seen anything that elaborate and that well done before.  I cannot fathom the amount of time and work it took to create that arched walkway.

I feel so much gratitude for my friend who invited me.  If you are reading this my friend, thank you.  It was lovely and I feel truly honored that you opted to take me along as your guest.  Let me know how I did in the descriptions.  I fear I have failed to get it across but it was just too much!  Thank you also for forwarding the photo and videos for my use, and for giving me the beautiful invitation.  Frankly though, I am amazed you saved any chocolates for me at all!